Confession Tuesday

A wise man once told me: "it aint love, it's obsession." Maybe he's right, but the way i felt about her mad me think otherwise...

It started off when i first came to panama, in 6th grade. There was this girl i liked, slhe was hot, funny, and again, hot. But she isnt what this confession is about, its about the other girl, that liked me. I knew because countless people from the grade started coming up to me and telling me. She was pretty aswell, but i didn't act on it because i liked this other girl, further on in my confession, you'll see why this detail was important...

So the first time we spoke was awkward, we were at a tribes activity and she had just burnt herself with a glue gun. She came up to me and said:
"Crap i burnt myself with the glue gun."

I responded by saying:
"Ouch..." After a long silence while picking up markers i had knocked down prior to this encounter, she left.

Not much happened after that, until 7th grade, where she started going out with my best friend. I was fine with it, she started talking to me more often, asking me about my best friend, AKA her boyfriend, who we'll just call the jerk (the word i had originally chosen was changed due to teacher that might read this.) And as the days went by, we started becoming friends, better and better friends, until one point i noticed i was in trouble. I had fallen for my best friend's girlfriend.

There were days where i couldn't stand seeing her with him, and i started telling my friends about it, but they just laughed and bothered me about it because they didn't understand. They didn't understand that i would wonder if she would ever leave the jerk, (who may i point out, had made her cry several times, which really pissed me off) and come to me, the one that had been there for her, and would never hurt her. And then when i realized that i could've had her at the beginning of 6th grade, it killed me to know that i didn't act on it.

So the days i spent trying to get her to realize that she should break up with the jerk and come to me, turned into weeks, and those weeks, into months, yeah you heard me, months. Until finally, one day, a week before the valentine's dance, she decides to break up with him. To that point i was the happiest kid alive. I went to ask her out after-school, but she was with her friends, and i found it awkward to ask her out in front of her friends, so i was left with no choice, but to send her a text, telling her EVERYTHING. So that night, when i saw her on msn, she had agreed to go out with me. But within 18 hours, she had already broken up with me, she said it was because she had just gotten out of the relationship with the jerk, so i was ok with it. She wasn't gonna go out with anybody for a while.

So, come the valentine's dance, i was devastated to hear that she had gotten back with the jerk and they went together to the valentine's dance. Lucky me, right? So i had given up, i wasn't going to make anymore effort for nothing. But although i stopped trying to make her mine, the feelings remained.

When i saw her in the hallway, with the jerk, i looked at them for one second, and they kissed. I clenched my fist, asd it turned white, not just egg-shell white, like, paper-ghost-shirts-from-the-fabric-whitener-commercils white. I was about to punch that smug look on his face straight into the locker, but i kept myself together, and walked on. I was no longer in love with her, i started seeing all the things she put me through (even though now i realize she actually didn't do anything) and i started hating her, i didnt want anything to do with her, if she talked to me on msn, i woul ignore her, if she called me, i would hang up, if she sent me a text, i would delete it immediately.

So that's where the story ended, i stopped hating her after i got over her, and we got back to being friends like before, but this time, no heart-breaks involved.

So that's my confession, i've fallen in love. Oh and i learned a lesson, if u ever have feelings for somebody's girlfriend... make a break for the exit before she makes a break for your heart. In other words, RUN.